You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
