it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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