It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
