I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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