Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
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They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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