OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
