Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
