I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
