I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
