im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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