I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
