That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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