We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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