never play flip cup with pint glasses
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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