Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
