update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
