so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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