I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize