It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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