conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
