It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
