I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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