i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's blow job season.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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