i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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