I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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