I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
worst night to have a conscience
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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