How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
