Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i think my cat just said my name.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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