Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
