My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm getting married
To pizza
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
