Someone shit on the floor
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
