You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
