just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
