"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
