so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
