There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
