cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
