All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
