Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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