wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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