I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
