I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize