All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
