every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
