she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize