I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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