My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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