the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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