i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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