did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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