He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
