I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
