I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
