I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
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Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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