brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
