I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
