Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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