actually, I'm a sock model
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
