He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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