I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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