I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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