i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
