our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
