You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
