I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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