just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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