Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my liver is dry heaving
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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