The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
