i just made my gag reflex go away.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So many bounce houses so little time
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
