i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
