I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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