STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
