i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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