Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
